Melancholy Baby
by fbeauchamphartz
Summary: Rachel, Kurt, and Blaine find a baby on the doorstep of the loft, and have no idea where it came from. Rachel and Blaine leave Kurt to deal with a screaming, unhappy baby, and an hour later Sebastian shows up looking to flirt with Blaine…or is he? Warning for Klaine.


"What…what is it?" Rachel asks, looking down at the tiny carrier and it's even tinier sleeping occupant.

Kurt, standing beside her in the doorway of the loft, scoffs. He turns on her with wide-eyed incredulity.

"What _is_ it? It's a baby!"

"I know it's a baby," Rachel says, rolling her eyes. "What I meant is what is it doing here?"

"Um…I'm going to take a guess that someone left it here," Blaine adds.

Kurt shakes his head, having about enough of the both of them.

"Well, what should we do with it?" Kurt asks, looking between his roommate and his fiancé with desperation in his eyes.

"Well, I have _Funny Girl_ rehearsals in a half an hour, so I don't think I'm going to be able to help you with this one." Rachel tosses her coat on and steps gingerly past the car seat, trying not to disturb the infant. "Let me know how this all turns out," she calls back in a stage whisper before sprinting for the stairs.

Kurt turns to Blaine, hoping that the man who claims to love kids, who almost didn't audition for NYADA using the excuse that he wanted to become a teacher instead of admitting that he was scared to death of not being good enough, will be of more help.

Blaine gazes back at Kurt with whiskey-colored eyes full of panic.

"I don't know what to do, Kurt. Maybe you should call the cops. Or go door to door and see if his parents are somewhere in the building."

"Wait, wait, wait…" Kurt closes his eyes and shakes his head as he absorbs Blaine's suggestions. "Why are you talking like I'm doing this alone?"

Blaine sighs, his shoulders dropping.

"I have class, baby," Blaine says simply, glancing down at the baby one last time before reaching for his bag. "And then I have to run through that solo with Cassie."

"Your class is intro to theater!" Kurt cries. "I think you can miss one class! And Cassie told you to stop by 'if you can'. I'm sure you can reschedule. You know that solo backwards and forwards."

"Kurt…"

"Please, Blaine!" Kurt begs. "I'm an only child. I don't know anything about babies, or taking care of babies..."

"Well, I've never had to take care of a baby before, either," Blaine counters.

"But at least you LIKE children!"

"Kurt," Blaine says, kissing him on the cheek, "it's one baby for a couple of hours max. And it's asleep. I don't think it's going to be too much trouble."

"But…but…" Kurt sputters as Blaine walks out the door.

"I love you," Blaine calls back in hushed tones, blowing Kurt a parting kiss. "Good luck."

And then Blaine is gone, barreling down the steps as if the devil himself were kicking at his heels.

Kurt is alone.

With a baby.

A neighbor from down the hall peeks out of his apartment and Kurt waves. As an afterthought, he calls out, "Hey! Did you lose a baby?" He gestures to the car seat at his feet.

His neighbor, an elderly man with a glass eye, looks Kurt over with a grimace a la old school Popeye, and then retreats back into his home, slamming the door behind him.

The baby startles, dark brown eyes snapping open…and begins to wail.

Kurt sinks down to the floor in front of the carrier, crossing his legs and resting his elbows on his knees, dropping his head into his hands.

"I know how you feel, kid," he says as the baby continues to bawl. "I know how you feel."

* * *

><p>Kurt's curious to know if it's possible for the brain to melt from exposure to loud, high-pitched noises since the baby (a boy, if his absent parents' truck spattered choice of couture can be trusted) hasn't given his voice a rest for over an hour. He's nearly at the end of his rope. He tried calling the police, but since the baby wouldn't stop crying, the dispatcher on the line couldn't hear him, and he gave up. He tried swaying and rocking and bouncing. He sang, threatened (nothing serious – just the ambiguous taking away of sweets and t.v. privileges which couldn't possibly matter to an infant anyway), bargained, and finally reaches acceptance, the last stage of the twelve step program of realizing all hope is gone. He stands in the kitchen with the baby in his arms on the verge of tears while the mini human bawls.<p>

Even the persistent knock on the door doesn't phase Kurt. He barely hears it.

"Hello?" an unwelcome voice calls through the slight crack in the sliding door. "Blaine?"

"Go away," Kurt moans, knowing that the likelihood of Sebastian Smythe doing anything he asks is next to nil.

"Oh hello, Kurt," Sebastian says, walking through the door as if he had been invited. "Are you practicing again, or are you torturing a small, helpless animal?"

Sebastian's teasing eyes fall on a bedraggled Kurt, leaning against the kitchen counter, red-rimmed eyes close to tears. He stops short.

"So, whose spawn is that?" he says, approaching Kurt with an amused smirk on his face. "Is it yours? Because I saw you just last week and you weren't showing at all, although…" Sebastian looks down the length of Kurt's body. "…those skinny jeans are looking a little tighter than normal."

"You know, Sebastian," Kurt sniffs, pushing past him and heading toward the door, hoping the intrusive man would follow and take the hint. "I don't have the time or the patience for you right now, so save whatever bullshit excuse you came up with to drop by and hit on Blaine and get the hell out. I've got more important shit than you to deal with today."

Sebastian's smirk wavers as he takes in the image of Kurt, worn down, nerves frayed, shifting a red-faced infant from hip to hip, cooing in a way that tries to sound soothing but doesn't quite make it.

Sebastian sighs.

"Look…um…let me…"

He walks over to Kurt and relieves him of the infant, holding the little boy securely in his arms.

"Don't!" Kurt exclaims in a halfhearted effort to take the baby back. "I don't want him to catch your asshole-ness. He's just a baby. He still has a chance."

Kurt watches in confusion as Sebastian looks the baby over, patting his behind lightly, giving him a sniff, and for some odd reason, sticking the bent knuckle of his index finger in the baby's mouth.

"What in hell are you doing?" Kurt asks. "If this is some kind of Satanic ritual…"

"Shut it, princess," Sebastian hisses through his teeth, smiling at the infant. "Your little man here is hungry and he needs a change. Do you have any…"

Kurt's look of disbelief makes Sebastian chuckle.

"Diaper bag?" Sebastian clarifies.

"Uh…yeah." Kurt turns back to the kitchen where the baby's carrier sits on the kitchen table beside a blue bag that was originally obscured by the carrier's canopy when they found the infant on their doorstep. "He came with this."

Kurt grabs the bag off the table and walks over to Sebastian, who is in the process of laying the baby down on the couch.

"What do you mean?" Sebastian asks, making funny faces while he talks. "He isn't a relative of yours?"

"Nope." Kurt watches Sebastian take off the baby's clothes, cringing with guilt when he sees the soaked onesie and saturated diaper. "We found him at the front door this morning. We don't know who he belongs to."

Sebastian wraps up the soiled diaper and holds it out to Kurt, who puts up his hands and takes a step back.

"Whoa…what do you want me to do with that?"

"Uh, throw it out?" Sebastian says, tossing it at Kurt who catches it on reflex, gagging at the overwhelming urine smell.

"Oh God," he chokes, holding it between pinched fingers and racing it to the kitchen. He throws it into the trash can and follows it with a generous dose of Lysol spray.

"Jesus H, princess," Sebastian groans, securing the fresh diaper's Velcro closures, then rooting through the bag for a new outfit to replace the ruined one. "It's just a baby, not a nuclear reactor."

"Same thing to me," Kurt grumbles, but he feels the tension in his shoulders disappear now that the loft is quiet for the first time in an hour.

"So, why did you volunteer to stay home alone with this guy if you hate kids?" Sebastian asks, shooting Kurt a sidelong glance as he fits a small arm through the sleeve of a Winnie the Pooh t-shirt.

Kurt's eyes fall to his shoes.

"I didn't," he murmurs, "they just…they just left."

"What do you mean they just left?" Sebastian's voice sounds unexpectedly irritated, and even though their abandonment in his time of need burns him, Kurt feels the need to defend his friends.

"Well, Rachel has _Funny Girl_ rehearsals. It's a big show…a big opportunity for her."

_There. That sounds convincing._

"And Dapper Dan?"

The tone of Sebastian's voice changes from aggravated to accusatory.

"He had a class. And dance rehearsal," Kurt says simply.

_A class he could have totally ditched and a rehearsal he could have rescheduled_, Kurt thinks, but he doesn't say it out loud.

From the look on Sebastian's face, he doesn't have to.

"He's a dedicated student," Kurt adds. "He's up for a couple of big roles in the drama department. That's rare for a freshman."

"Yeah, well…" Sebastian moves on to putting on the baby's pants, "… maybe today he should have played the role of dedicated fiancé."

"You don't understand," Kurt says, hoping that will be the end of the discussion.

"Maybe I don't." Sebastian shrugs. "Maybe I don't get the ins and outs of this drama that is your guys' lives." Sebastian unpacks the baby bottle and formula, and Kurt is amazed by how comfortable he seems with all this stuff that looks so alien to Kurt. "What I do know is that when I got here you were alone with a crying baby in your arms, on the verge of tears, with no fiancé to be found, and it seems like you're trying a little too hard to convince me that he did nothing wrong."

Both Kurt and the baby watch as Sebastian prepares a bottle of formula, measuring out the powder and pouring the in water while blocking the baby from rolling off the couch with his body.

"How did you learn to do…that?" Kurt asks, half out of curiosity and half out of a need to change the subject. Sebastian's not wrong. Ever since Blaine moved in, Kurt has begun to realize how much he doesn't adapt well to change or to new situations…or in some ways, to growing up. He's a disaster at laundry, he doesn't seem to know what a coupon is, and little things like the electric bill will often go unnoticed if Kurt doesn't remind him at least twelve times before it needs to be paid. Most of the time Kurt simply breaks down and does it all himself, but he shouldn't have to.

Sebastian hit the nail on the head.

Life in the loft _is_ a drama, with Blaine and Rachel as the stars, and Kurt…well, he's just part of the supporting cast.

Sebastian picks up the baby, who's already reaching out chubby grabby hands for the bottle. He sits on the couch and feeds the now quiet infant, watching with a smile as he starts to drift off to sleep.

"My brother's kids," he says. "He visits with his family every Christmas, and I always end up with the kids." Kurt wants to make a joke, but Sebastian is opening up to him, something he's never done before, so Kurt just nods.

He never knew that Sebastian had a brother…a brother with kids, no less.

Then again, this may be the longest real conversation Kurt's ever had with Sebastian without having the overwhelming urge to claw his eyes out.

Kurt sits beside Sebastian in amazement as the baby falls to sleep.

"So, how are you guys going to handle having kids," Sebastian whispers, "if one little baby brings you to tears?"

"Well, we're not having kids tomorrow," Kurt whispers. "By the time we want them, maybe I'll be better at this. Or maybe we'll just adopt older kids."

"Ooo, my sister did that…adopted a five- and a six-year-old," Sebastian reveals. "But she fostered for a long time and that can be a crap shoot. Some of those kids are pretty messed up. How old were you thinking?"

"I don't know," Kurt says. "How old do they start taking care of themselves?"

Sebastian laughs, the sound warm and genuine, and Kurt realizes that he's never noticed how vibrant a shade of green Sebastian's eyes are, or how the skin at the corners crinkles slightly when he laughs, or how Sebastian's voice, when he isn't cutting Kurt down, can be soft and soothing.

Before he knows it, he's staring.

Sebastian catches him, raising an inquisitive eyebrow.

"I'm sorry," Kurt says, turning to look down at the baby in Sebastian's arms, hiding the pink in his cheeks. "I think this little guy tired me out."

"Do you want to put your head down?" Sebastian offers. "Get a few z's?"

The offer is so selfless, so…nice, that Kurt doesn't know how to answer.

A knock at the door saves him. Kurt stands and steals once last look at Sebastian with the sleeping baby in his arms. He looks so normal, so sweet, so not like the Sebastian that Kurt has grown to despise venomously on a daily basis. Kurt never imagined there could be a hidden human side to Sebastian Smythe, and it makes him wonder.

Sebastian could have just been a dick and left, could have cracked a few more jokes and then split to hunt down Blaine, knowing Kurt had his hands full. But he stayed. He stayed to help _Kurt_.

He stayed to help Kurt when his best friend and his fiancé split on him.

A second knock and Kurt realizes he's staring again. He hurries to the door and opens it, coming face to face with a familiar looking young woman in tears.

"Oh my God!" she manages between sobs, "please tell me…"

The woman is trying to peek past Kurt on tiptoes to look into the apartment and sees Sebastian on the couch, cradling the sleeping baby in his arms. She puts both hands to her face and cries harder.

"Thank God!" she whispers. "Thank God he's here!"

Kurt moves aside in time for the woman to race by him without knocking him completely over and trampling him in an effort to get to her baby.

"Oh, Simon! Thank God you're alright!"

She holds her hands out to Sebastian who is already standing and placing the infant delicately in her arms.

"Excuse me," Kurt says, sounding a little more demanding than he should, but after over an hour of free babysitting he's curious to know… "can you tell me how your son ended up on my doorstep?"

"I live in the building," she explains, holding the sleeping baby so tight Kurt's afraid for a moment that she might smother him by accident. "My mom was watching him, but she has dementia, and if she forgets her medication, sometimes she wanders off. I guess she dropped him off at your door before she left the building."

"Uh…you might want to consider a more reliable babysitter," Sebastian says to Kurt's surprise. He was half-expecting him to cut the poor woman down for being irresponsible.

"I am," she says. "It's never been this bad before. But I promise, it's the last time."

Sebastian smiles, walking over to Kurt and putting a hand on his shoulder, and it feels natural…normal, like they could be acquaintances, or friends. Because strange, huge Atlas moths always flutter violently in your stomach when someone you hate who could turn into a friend puts a hand on your shoulder.

"Thank you," the woman says, tears still brimming in her eyes, "you and your boyfriend, for watching my son."

Kurt waits a moment before objecting, sure that Sebastian is about to set her straight.

"You're welcome, miss," is all he says.

The woman shoulders the small diaper bag and crosses the room to the kitchen to fetch the carrier.

"Let me help you with that," Sebastian offers, grabbing the baby carrier before she can reach it. "You said you live in the building?"

"Yeah, but you've done so much already. I couldn't ask you to…"

"You didn't," Sebastian says smoothly. "I offered. Come on."

Kurt watches them leave, wondering when did Sebastian become so charming, so polite. How was all this hiding behind his CW hair and his meerkat face and Kurt never saw it?

Who was this man, and why did this new side of Sebastian seem to work its way under Kurt's skin?

Sebastian turns over his shoulder before he closes the door.

"I'll be right back, babe," he calls with a wink, but it doesn't sound like a mock or a taunt.

Kurt feels dizzy. All of a sudden, the world makes no sense.

This has to be a trick, and Kurt, in his weakened and frazzled state, is falling for it hook, line, and sinker.

The loft door opens not a second later and Blaine bustles in, pulling off his coat and smiling from ear to ear.

"Hello, Kurt," he says brightly, rubbing his hands together as if he has the greatest news in the world. "Guess what?"

"What?" Kurt asks, but he's not really listening. He's still looking at the door waiting to see if Sebastian is actually going to return.

"I got it," Blaine says, bouncing on the balls of his feet.

Kurt turns to him, brow furrowed, head shaking slowly.

"Got it?" he repeats.

"The role, Kurt. The one that I wanted."

Blaine looks up into Kurt's eyes, trying to trigger the memory of talking about it the night before.

"Robert?" Blaine prompts. "In _Company_?"

"Oh…_oh_, that's great, Blaine! Congratulations."

The loft door slides open and Kurt turns just as Blaine leans in for a kiss, his lips missing their intended target and catching Kurt on the cheek.

"So, Lydia and Simon are safe and sound upstairs," Sebastian announces, not noticing Blaine right away as he heads straight for Kurt. The minute he catches sight of Blaine clinging to Kurt's arm, staring up at his fiancé like a punch-drunk puppy, Sebastian nearly skids to a halt, his smile dropping, and then twisting into a smirk that Kurt notices looks more like a mask than the real McCoy.

"Hello, tiger," he says, "I didn't see you there hiding under Kurt's skirts."

Sebastian is back. Sebastian the lech. Sebastian the bastard.

And Kurt's heart twists in his chest.

"Hey, Seb," Blaine says. "I didn't know you were here."

"Actually," Kurt says, turning a bit and pulling Blaine into view, "he dropped by to see you, didn't he?"

Kurt turns to Sebastian, he voice tight, almost bitter. Sebastian looks at Kurt, eyes shifting to Blaine, and then back to Kurt.

"Um…you know…it can wait."

Sebastian's eyes are full of an emotion Kurt can't place as he backs away toward the door. "I think I'd better get going."

"Let me walk you to the door." Kurt presses a small kiss to Blaine's forehead and notices sebastian's smile dip just a bit more.

Blaine heads for the kitchen while Kurt follows Sebastian to the door.

"What's up, Hummel?" Sebastian asks. "Hoping for a kiss before I go?"

"I just wanted to say thanks…for helping me."

Sebastian's eyes soften again, that genuine smile making a brief appearance.

"You know, don't read into it or anything," Kurt continues, "but it was kind of nice hanging out with you."

Sebastian nods.

"Maybe we can do it again sometime," Sebastian says, talking mostly to his shoes, "you know, without the baby."

"Wait, so is this you saying you want to be friends, because I don't know how that's going to work with you obsessively trying to get into my fiancé's pants."

Sebastian chuckles, his cheeks turning a shade darker. He lifts his eyes to peer at Kurt through a fan of brown lashes. Sebastian leans in, whispering into Kurt's ear to make certain Blaine can't overhear, "Just between you and me, babe…lately it's not _his_ pants I'm trying to get into."

Kurt's mouth drops just as a pair of hands creep up Kurt's back and onto his shoulders.

"So, Sebastian, do you want to come back later for dinner?" Blaine asks, a strange expression on his face as he looks between his fiancé and his sometime friend standing in the doorway, "as a thank you for helping Kurt. We're making curry and then we're going sing Showtunes."

Kurt, facing away enough from Blaine to roll his eyes without being caught, does, but Sebastian catches it and laughs.

"Wow," Sebastian says, "curry _and_ Showtunes? Now I know I have to get out of here."

Kurt nods in understanding, with a look that screams, _'It's too late for me. Run now while you still can.'_

"Well, maybe next time then," Blaine says, and Kurt doesn't miss the way Blaine's hands tighten on his shoulders possessively.

"Yeah. Next time." Sebastian waves, just a slight movement of his hands as he looks from Kurt to Blaine, then turns and walks away.

Blaine squeezes Kurt's shoulder again before turning back into the apartment.

Kurt slides the door shut, thinking of the last few times Sebastian has stopped by the loft unannounced – a few times when Blaine was at school, once when Blaine went back to Westerville to visit his folks, a few times in the morning catching Kurt before he left for his own classes at NYADA. Come to think of it, Kurt couldn't remember the last time Sebastian had done anything other than stop by to harass him. His mind struggles to recall the last time Blaine mentioned seeing Sebastian.

Kurt feels the door stop, and he prepares to yank it the last foot or so.

A pair of soft lips capture his and his eyelids flutter shut, his entire body lit from the inside for just a second in response to the tongue that licks the seam of his mouth.

Kurt doesn't think he has a single breath left in his body when those lips disappear.

When he opens his eyes and looks around, the hallway is empty, silent except for the sound of heavy footsteps racing down the staircase, but soon they're gone, too.

Kurt lingers a little longer at the door wondering what will happen the next time he sees Sebastian Smythe.


End file.
